Attention v. Intention: Are You Chasing Depth or Dopamine?

In this episode of the Inside OUT Podcast, Jojo explores the complex dynamics of attention versus intention in relationships. She emphasizes the importance of being intentional in our communications and interactions, rather than seeking instant gratification through superficial connections. Jojo shares personal experiences and insights on breaking old patterns, understanding self-worth, and the spiritual implications of intentional living. The conversation encourages listeners to reflect on their own behaviors and to embrace the discomfort that comes with personal growth.

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Transcript

Jojo (00:07.17)
Welcome to the Inside Out Podcast. I'm your host JoJo, and this is where we'll navigate the mess together. That is mental, emotional, and spiritual. So let's get messy.

Jojo (00:26.518)
Welcome back to Inside Out. Thank you so much for being here today. And today we're gonna dive into a topic that honestly is really hard to reframe, but I think it's so important because it offers insight to maybe why we do certain things. And it's tricky because it's so easy for instant gratification.

And it's so hard to slow down and sit in uncomfortability, but that's exactly what we need to do if we want to rewire our patternings, our toxic traits, the way that we communicate, the way that we go into relationships, the way that we live our lives, all of these things, they really do start internally and then they ripple out and reflect externally. So,

Today, I'm going to be talking about attention versus intention. And I think this is so simple, but it's so hard when it comes to the right here, right now. For instance, I was dating this guy a while ago and it was constant communication throughout the days, throughout the weeks, you know, just

We're always in each other's phones. It was just like random stuff or like if one of us wouldn't text, it would be like, Hey, are you alive? Like it was just, it was a tension, but there was very little intention, very little real like check-in of how are you? When can I see you or progression of the relationship? And to me, that's all very surface.

And that could be very fine. It's just dependent on like what you really want. But having a pen pal or something very surface level for me doesn't necessarily work. And I'm not the type that wants to be attached to my phone all day long or constantly in communication about absolutely nothing. Personally, I want to be intentional. If I want to talk to someone, I want to get on the phone.

Jojo (02:53.038)
I want to see them in person. There's intention. It's not just attention. I don't want just like, hi, how's your day? Who cares? I I care, but really who cares? No, we're not just doing the bare minimum and calling it intentional or a relationship. Now, especially for me right now, this is a cycle that I know that I need to break because

If there has been someone in my life or a boyfriend, or as I was saying, someone I've been seeing, there has been for me that constant communication. And this is where I get uncomfortable because I'm getting vulnerable and I'm sharing stuff that I've never shared before. mean, you know, my close friends know and like the people that I hold closest to me know, but talking about this in

an open form is a little scary, but we're going to go there because I think the way that I'm navigating this can maybe help reframe the way that you guys deal with it. And anyway, that's my intention for all of this intention, not attention. Okay. So I'm in a new place in my life where, because I don't want to go into my old patterning and keep doing the same things I've always done because hello, they have not gotten me anywhere.

And my interpersonal relationships are such a big part of my life, whether that's romantic, whether that's friendships, familial, relationship overarching is a huge part of my life. And I mean, it's a huge part of everyone's life. So I'm going to talk about this specifically around relationships. If there is someone new in my life, it is so easy for me to go back into those old ways of

communicating all the time, texting back and forth, hey, how's it going? If you don't hear from them. But what I've noticed is that is only filling a void rather than actually getting the result that I want, if that makes any sense. So if I'm texting and being like, Hey, how, how's it going? Like, what are you up to this weekend? That's only perpetuating that same dialogue and feedback loop that I was in before.

Jojo (05:16.27)
that I've always been in rather than sitting in the uncomfortable and being like, okay, there's no communication right now. What comes up for me when there's no communication? Do I feel like they don't care? Do I feel like they don't want to talk to me or that they're losing interest or that they don't like me? What are those voices telling me when there's no texting or there's no contact? And then it's sitting in that and being like,

All right, well, that's not true. And it's going through all of those little narratives that come up and being like, they're busy. They have a life. All of the little things to completely reframe why they're not talking to you. And then it's also breaking those patterns of not reaching out in those moments of lack and saying, hey, what's up?

because you need the validation or the feedback loop that they are interested in you. But again, that's attention. If we want to be more grounded and real with ourselves and intentional with our overall lives, it also starts in our relationships too. And for me, I've noticed that I might want to talk to this person

But I'm not going to do that from a place of lack. I'm not going to do that because it's silence right now or that we haven't spoken in a few days or whatever the story is. I'm going to do that from a place when I feel like there's no lack, when I feel good, when I feel whole, because then I'm coming from a place of sharing and I'm not coming from a place of, there's nothing going on. We're not talking. Let me receive that dopamine hit. Let me take.

Let me get that external validation. Let me have you fill that void and make sure that I don't feel like I'm not enough or that I'm desirable. And I don't think I'm alone in this. And if I am, that's cool. I'll be alone in this. It's not comfy to recognize these parts of ourselves, these wounded areas of our psyche.

Jojo (07:33.74)
that like to tell us these stories and if we do reach out and then they don't respond, it's like, see, I knew he doesn't like me or I knew she doesn't like me. And it's like that self-fulfilling prophecy or the instant gratification on the reverse side of it being like, see, they are still there. They do like me. Why is that the barometer? If someone likes you or not know your worth. That's a huge one for me.

Being able to like understand my worth and stepping into my worth and not letting how someone else shows up or treat me or communicates with me or whatever define who I am, what I bring to the table and all of these things. Because at the end of the day, if I go into something from lack back to my relationship episode, it's only going to be all lack.

But if you're intentional about your communication with people, if you set aside time to actually build relationships and form bonds and you're not doing it from a place of, I feel empty. no, I need attention. I'm bored. The world and the life that you build for yourself is going to be so much more fulfilling even if it is uncomfortable right now. And trust me, it's uncomfortable.

There's all that internal turmoil and anxiety that comes up of, well, well, maybe it's this, or maybe I'm not, maybe they changed their mind about me or maybe, okay. And if they did, then what? You're still going to chase. You're still going to try to get attention. You're still going to want them to reach out. What? No. Flipping that mindset and getting honest with ourselves and being like, wait, hold on. Because if they did change their mind, wouldn't you want to know right now?

Wouldn't you want to see, wouldn't you want it to play out in a way that you're not just seeking attention and external validation and that you actually see how this person shows up for you and instead you sit with yourself and you fill your own cup instead of trying to get it from posting something on Instagram and being like, Ooh, maybe they'll see it. Get out of here. Sit down, put your phone away. But also I do this too.

Jojo (09:55.286)
I do it. That's why I'm talking about it, but I'm also changing that. And I have been changing that. That's why I'm also talking about it. I'm not going to sit here and talk about something that a isn't relevant or going on in my life or B that I'm not in the throes of grappling with how to transform this or something that I've been transforming and I'm working through.

To me, that would be very inauthentic. And those who know me and those who don't, you'll start to see that is not something I'm aligned with at all. In analyzing where we get attention and where we are intentional, we're going to start breaking cycles. We're going to start breaking those old cycles of repeat, those old patternings, those obsessive thoughts, those looping patterns.

that we've been stuck in and everything around us is ultimately gonna shift. Our destinies, our relationships, the way we live our lives, our current circumstances, the people in them, things are gonna start to crumble away that don't work and the parts of ourselves that we want to amplify and build up are gonna start to fortify. So let's get messy. Mental, emotional, spiritual, mentally.

Where is that place in your life right now that stands out to you that you are seeking that attention? Is it from the dating app? Is it from social media? Is it from the likes that you're getting on your TikToks or your Instagram posts? Is it from your boyfriend or your girlfriend? Is it from your boss? Is it from, I can keep asking the questions, but where in your life are you?

seeking attention and then emotionally, what does that lack of attention bring up in you? Like I said, for me, it's maybe I'm not good enough. No one will ever choose me. They change their mind. There's someone better. Those are the pain points that come up for me. And spiritually, when you choose not to act on the emotion and that you don't send that text from a place of lack because you want that instant hit or you don't

Jojo (12:15.938)
go out with that person because you want attention or you don't do the thing that you were doing because it's coming from a place of attention and not intention. Spiritually, you're just going to rewire your entire world. I was having a conversation with my mom recently and I said, yeah, I really want to talk to this person, but it's not coming from a place of genuine connection. It's coming from a place of, we haven't spoken in a while and I would just be coming from lack and that's not fair.

And I don't want to go in to anything or be in any sort of situation where I'm coming from lack and taking energy from someone and not just there because I care and just to show up because I'm here to share. And I think the more that we get honest with ourselves and the more that we sit in that uncomfortable, the easier it is going to be to break these patterns and have our lives ultimately transformed because of it. So.

Get intentional. Don't waste your time on trying to receive attention. And hopefully this is some insight that'll help transform that painful spot in ourselves and heal that inner child that just wants to be validated. Thank you for going inside out with me this week. That was a little bit more of a heavier topic, but if you resonated with it, please subscribe.

Don't forget to share this with a friend or someone that you think can benefit from this. Blast it out to everyone. And I will see you all next week on Inside Out. All right. Go get messy guys. Bye.