Clarity & Compatibility: The Key to Meaningful Relationships with Yosef Yeshurun

In this episode of the Inside Out podcast, Jojo and Yosef Yeshurun delve into the complexities of dating and relationships, emphasizing the importance of authenticity, self-discovery, and mutual respect. They discuss how individuals often hide their true selves in dating scenarios, the significance of compatibility over mere chemistry, and the role of spirituality in forming meaningful connections. The conversation also touches on the concept of soulmates and the necessity of building a strong foundation in relationships.
Find Yosef at the Kabbalah Center in NYC, and on instagram @yosefyesh

Book Recommendation: Rethink Love: 3 Steps to Being the One, Attracting the One and Becoming the One by Monica Berg 

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Transcript

Jojo (00:07.298)
Welcome to the Inside Out podcast. I'm your host Jojo, and this is where we will navigate the mess together that is mental, emotional, and spiritual. Let's get into it.

Jojo (00:27.352)
Hi everyone, welcome back. So you guys, because of popular demand and all of you being so interested in the dating and relationships episodes, I have invited Yosef Yeshirun to join me today on Inside Out and we are going to discuss relationships. And he is a teacher at the Kabbalah Center. I've touched on what Kabbalah is to me in my life and it's the spirituality that I have been around since I was six years old.

And I've actually known Stephanie since I was eight. So he is married, has two kids. And I'm really excited for you guys to hear this conversation because I think it is a very deep, profound way that we can start shifting relationships and really build out foundations that we are wanting in our lives. So all that being said, Yosef, welcome to Inside Out. Let's get messy. Okay. Me too.

Born ready. So my first question for you is what is the number one thing that you see that makes a relationship fall apart? Wow. That's a great question. I think that as I talk to many different people, especially people who are dating, I find that the one mistake that people constantly make is that they're not authentic right off the bat. It's a little bit bold, but I'm noticing

Like no one does that. No one is just their real self in date one. And it's kind of surprising to me because like, why are you hiding? You only like revealing, again, I'm not talking about deep dark secrets or family dramas that you can save to like date three. But you know, as an example, you know, I'm a teacher in the Kabbalah center and you know, spirituality is a very big part of somebody's life.

It's how they see the world, it's how they see themselves. It's a huge part of your life. And I'm finding that people hide that in date one. really? Yeah. Or what you really believe about life. And it really goes into the point of why are you dating? Why are you going on a date? Are you just trying to have a good time? Are you just trying to explore what's out there? All that's great. If you want to explore, nothing's off limits.

Jojo (02:51.126)
Really, if it's just about exploration, you're exploring yourself, then for those people, I'll say, there are no mistakes. Just go and explore. But for people who kind of want what they want, then be who you are. Because if you're not who you are, you won't find what you want. And it's the same advice I would give anybody trying to start a business or trying to start a podcast, right? There's a vision.

is a vision of what you want and a big part of that isn't just having the list of like, you check the boxes but the list naturally gets checked and filtered out the more you are your real authentic self and when I say authentic self I don't mean being rude because that's just who I am I'm just a rude guy like no your real authentic self is your real soul self

The self that you're proud of. Being your real authentic self in a date is not just being comfortable enough to be rude or sloppy or lazy or immature. That's not what I mean by being yourself. Being yourself is being bold in what you truly believe about life, about yourself, about spirituality, about your beliefs, even about politics, about anything.

about how you view relationships, how you view children, to have children, to not have children, your relationship with money or your goals for your life, your ambitions. Do you feel that people might not be their authentic self maybe because they want to be accepted or is it literally because they're trying to put on an act? Why do you think there's that divide? Yeah, and again, I speak to very specific type of person.

So, but I think my little microcosm represents a macrocosm. So I'll give you an example where you have people that are dating within the Jewish community, right? Which is a community and it's a very specific community like a lot of communities are. But what makes it specific is that in a Jewish community the most important thing is like where you pray, what you're associated with, who your rabbi is, what's your thing.

Jojo (05:10.176)
So if somebody who's like hardcore in the Kabbalah center and like that's where they do Shabbat all the time and they're dating and they're like kind of hiding like their commitment to this place and that it's not going anywhere and if they are going to be part of their life, they kind of need to join in. If they hide that and kind of like save it for the second month, it's just going to be, you know,

Every quarter, you're going to have a new girlfriend, a new boyfriend that's just going to break your heart. it's like, why do that to yourself? Say off the bat, here's who I am. Here's what's important to me. Here's what's not going to move. And if that means you're going to be, you're going to leave or you're not going to like me or whatever, then that's the natural selection of dating. You know, and, and we, we prevent that process, that healthy process from us because yeah, we want to be

accepted, it feels good. It's a drug to be liked, especially in dating. It's a drug when the person that you kind of like likes you back. It's an unbelievable feeling. And to reject that feeling just because I want to be, you you need to love yourself more than you love that feeling. not love yourself, not like in a narcissistic way, but love the trajectory of your life. That's what you need to love more than the feeling of being liked back.

And I think that's where a lot of people get stuck. It's where they don't have that individuality. And, and I've talked about this in a previous episode, but it's like you jump ship, you see someone and instead of like, well, there's, there's a few concepts that I'm thinking about right now and they're kind of blending together. But one of them is you jump ship and you try to like go down their stream and you completely negate your life. And then there's another one where you expect them.

to just come into your life and you negate their life. And Jay Shetty has this quote that he talks about. It's from a poem that he can't cite, but it's a great way to think about it where he's like, everyone has like a foundation of a house and you have these bricks and the foundation of your life. And some bricks are broken. Maybe it's part of your childhood. Some bricks are whole. But when you come together, you want to take the whole bricks from both of your lives and build your own house together.

Jojo (07:28.406)
And I thought that was a really beautiful way to put it because we just expect someone to maybe come into our world or we just jump into their world and there's not like a natural, what is our world? And to me, that's what I'm noticing a lot happen from like my scenario in my life, my friends, the people that I talk to. And it sounds like that's very, very in line. Is that like where people miss the mark? Is that why relationships?

don't work or are there other issues? Yeah. mean, why relationships don't work, not as a concept, but there's a lot of components to that. Just that idea that you said about building a house together, it goes back to what we were talking about, about individuality, knowing yourself, knowing your values, and yes, being boldly authentic, but also understanding what this is. This is not a dictatorship.

This is a partnership. It's literally called partner, right? So I know what, you know, it's kind of like two companies that merge. Are we mergeable? You know, McDonald's is not going to merge with Tesla. It's a very bizarre merging, right? You need two, you know, two companies that are kind of similar, different, unique. And it's like, whoa, we could be so much better together. And that merged product is going to look different than either side.

either business individually. But the only way you can even think about merging, and this is really where people miss it because I feel like we live in such a confused generation. I see so many people, so many young people not know who they are, what they liked, what to believe, what I should believe. It changes every second.

You scroll on Instagram, you have one person telling you, this. The next scrolling is somebody telling you to believe that. You have your parents telling you this. You have your childhood things, your friends. I mean, that's a whole other can of worms. Just how social media has such an influence on dating, on what we think, maybe what we feel, all of it. It's so wrapped up. mean, know, pressures, familiar pressures and friend pressure, that's always been there. But now there's with technology and, you know, you have to understand.

Jojo (09:51.498)
a couple hundred years ago, maybe even just a hundred years ago, no one knew more than like 200 people. It was your village and that was it. You know? Now, 200 people is the people that you can talk to in one day. So, the amount of other influences on you and on what you should think and who I really am and what I should be doing is everywhere. And anyway, we're so distracted. My point is...

Your relationships fail because connecting to your true self fails. That's the beginning of everything, right? You can't merge two companies if one company doesn't have a mission statement or like, what do we sell again? What are we about? What do we believe? Right? I have nothing, just, you know, own me. And then it's just an owning, not a merger. And we find that a lot with men and women that lose themselves in a relationship. Because they want someone to...

complete them, they're not coming as a whole. And I've, my gosh, I've done this so many times, like, a relationship will make me happy. Ergo, the slew of boyfriends that I had, which is like fine and great, but this is why I've been single for a solid amount of time now, because I'm like, no, who am I? And I never was able to figure that out, because I always jumped ship.

So, so kabbalistically, right, we call that being like the light, right? Where if you, there's two components, right? There's the giving force and the receiving force. There's the light and there's the vessel. And of course we are all recipients. No one is God. No one is just the light, the provider. We, we role play as, as providers. We role play as the light and understanding who I am and being able to fulfill myself through my own actions, right? Being proud of who I am.

That's a feeling that nobody can give me. Nobody can give me the sense of accomplishment and pride. I can give that to myself. but it's not, and again, we're not saying you shouldn't get married young or being in a relationship young without finding yourself, but some sort of understanding and knowing your values, your desires, and being able to choose, you know, part of being the light doesn't mean not receiving help, not receiving partnership, but

Jojo (12:16.472)
Part of that is choosing. The fact that I'm choosing who to associate with, who to date, who is a good partner, who is not a good partner. Who makes that choice? I make that choice. I decide for myself and that decision, that initiation is the opposite of just go with the flow. If somebody likes me, I'll date them. This is something that I've experienced where she likes me and in a sea full of people...

No one likes me, no one's giving me energy except for this one person that's giving me energy. my God, that feels great. So then you just go with the flow without first asking, hold on, is this my decision? Is this good for me? Is this good for my soul, for my plan, for my life? Is this compatible? That decision needs to be mine. Not just, you give me energy, I'll follow wherever you go. Yeah. And just for everyone who's listening, you are married. That's correct. And...

You have been married for how long? years. How was the beginning of your courtship? Like your, I like to call it courtship because I'm old school. But how did that start for you? Because I feel like today's day and age is like, you see something. It's like, I see it. I like it. I want it. I got it. Like that Ariana Grande song. Like it's just instant gratification. Grab, grab, grab. There's no one building foundations anymore. Yeah.

So I'll answer that with a little bit of the origin story of how my wife Kate and I got together. Externally, you couldn't see two more different people. The way we grew up, the way we looked, the way we were dressed, everything is so different. So much so that when I, in my younger years when you're single, you're always thinking like, okay, who could the

Who can my person be? And we all have the thoughts in our head. Is this something that only I experience? I feel like nobody talks about this, right? The constant thoughts in your head. I don't think anyone talks about this. I've never heard anyone talk about this. I'm so guilty of... You know what's funny? It's like, I've heard this being said this way once, but when you meet a friend, you don't automatically think, my God, you're going to be my bridesmaid. Absolutely not.

Jojo (14:39.032)
But sometimes in dating, you meet someone and you're like, my God, this could be my husband. And it's like, what? Like we don't do that normally in life with just our friends. Like, why are we doing that? And it comes to dating and yeah, no, no one talks about this. But yes, I feel like anytime I meet someone, I'm like, are you, maybe? I don't know. It's like, And it's constant. It doesn't stop. It's amazing. So, but it really is. and

And there's no quick answer like, yes or no. It's like, let's let me hear from you a little bit. Let me talk to you. Let me spark a conversation. Is there something? Do you like me? Am I being creepy? What's going on? There's so much overthinking. But what's interesting with Kate, I thought nothing. I thought, my gosh, this will never happen. This is a safe space for me. No way. Yeah.

So actually for quite some time, because she just was so different and I'm like, it's for sure not it. But because of that, I actually felt really safe around her because there was no thoughts. There was no weirdness. There was no overthinking. It was just like, finally I can have a real female friend that there's just friendship. So yes, I friend zoned her. And so, you know, externally, it was very different. know, she, you know, so I'm a teacher at the center.

So we're all in with all the teachings and everything. And when I first met her, she was a student and the level of commitment wasn't necessarily there in the beginning. And that's why immediately it was like, the people that I was eyeing was more people that have been around for a while. And actually, what's interesting is that after quite some time, she started working in the center and we even worked together on some things. At some point, somebody told me that she liked me and I was like,

What? Kate? Nothing will happen there. Like, that's so weird. Now, quick backstory. My first girlfriend, we were together because she liked me. Not because I liked her, because she liked me. Right? That's how it kind of started. Eventually I liked her, whatever, but it was like, you know, it was... She chose you that same thing that you were saying before. Exactly. And because I'm like, oh my gosh, the energy of somebody liking you is so powerful, this is great, you know? So I was like, I don't want to make the same mistake.

Jojo (16:59.614)
I'm gonna be in a relationship with someone and it needs to be my choice. And right now I don't see it. I don't want it. I don't see it. So I never... She never approached me with anything. Somebody else told me. But I let it go. I was like whatever and we continued to just be friendly. Not even friends, just friendly. But something changed and of course I did my own internal work that whole year. Something like, you know, eight or nine months later, maybe seven months later, there was like an internal shift.

that we both had and I was able to kind of see her from an internal level of we both see the world in the same way. We both have an internal commitment to spiritual growth. We are a lot more alike than I thought. Not necessarily externally or historically, just like something on a spiritual level internally. like saw her and I related to her.

And I was like, we're the same with this thing. Something that I couldn't see that in Earth, it was like closed, you know, for me. And I closed myself, you know. So once I was able to have that, like you said, foundations, right? People don't develop a foundation. So there's two foundations. There's an external foundation, which I call compatibility. And then there's an internal foundation, which is also compatibility, but from a different place, right? So for example, compatibility is on an external level is

Well, I live in New York, you live in the Philippines, how are we gonna do this, right? So is this compatible? You are, I'm single and you're married and you're not trying to get divorced. So this is not compatible, right? And people, it's weird, people don't care. People do not care if they're incompatible. They just do it anyway, cause it feels good. It's the most, this is what's really bonkers. We're not even compatible. Again, not chemistry, we're not talking about that.

But compatibility is not just all of the, it's like proximity, like values, like people just go against everything and it's a catalyst for chaos down the road. mean, the amount of people that I hear, and you see this all over, like, yeah, we've been together for eight years and then we broke it off. Why? Well, he didn't want to have children and I did. How is that not the thing you mentioned in the first month? Eight years?

Jojo (19:23.022)
It's not one person I've heard this from. I've heard this from countless people. Because maybe they'll change their mind. I hear it too, all the time. Either their children mind or again, there's not that sense of authenticity of here's what I really believe in. It's more like I'll let go of myself a little bit for you but really it's just going to backfire. It's you. It's your desire. Desire is not going to go away because you know, and they're not going to change. So that's another level of incompatibility.

You want kids, I don't want kids. That's incompatible. It's not just, you know, sexually we're not compatible. There's more to that. anyway, so that's one of the things that I think people overlook. How compatible are we? And a big part of that is, you know, the tool, we shouldn't use this too much, but the tool really should be, let's see, can this work? What will our built house look like in a year, in five years?

Do we have a similar, not the same, but a similar vision of what our lives can look like? What a nuclear family is, where you want to live. Where you want to live is a big one. know, dynamics of work and how much you're with the kids or who works, who doesn't work or money or there's so many things and people need to talk about it. Now, maybe it's not a conversation for the first date because you're just still trying to see, I like this person? Which by the way, liking someone, huge.

Okay, huge. It's so important. Like them, admire them, love them even. And then it's a question of compatibility. But even so, would say liking isn't enough because like you said, even if you like them, you could like them for eight years and then be like, yeah, but what's the point? Because you just wasted eight years of your life. So I would even argue liking someone isn't enough. The way you feel about someone, even this is controversial, but love is not enough. It doesn't come down to

Yeah, because I can love someone and they could be horrible for me. I mean, that's definitely happened to me where I've loved absolutely the wrong people. Yeah, that's a huge one. And it's interesting, the example that came to mind in terms of liking and then compatibility is like when you go shopping and you look for a shirt or a dress or something and you're like, this is a nice one. I like this. That's not enough. What do you need to do? Look for the right size.

Jojo (21:47.47)
Is this going to fit me? It doesn't fit. Is it going to fit me? You know, you're not looking at that. Tell me, give me all of the size, whatever. No, no, no. Just let me see what I like first. And then from there, is this compatible? Right? Sometimes people first do compatibility and then say we match, whatever. Let's see if we like each other. But both of those things need to take place before going all in. That's one. And then you just said about love is not enough, right? Which means

It's interesting, we see that like love is like the highest level, but because it's been so misused as a word, it's so much, it's like the lowest level. People jump to say, love you, you know, before an even more powerful word than love, which is respect. Okay? Saying I love you is easy because you love something that gives you. I don't like when people do this, but...

When somebody asks you for a favor and you do it, they say, I love you. You're a king. You're the best. What? Because I gave you coffee? I'm suddenly the best? You suddenly love me because I gave you coffee? That's so weird, right? So love is so misused in that way. It's if you give me what I want, I love you. That's very conditional. But a more balanced word is respect. Respect is huge. I respect you. I treat you.

with respect. So of course, love is not enough. Is there mutual respect, which means a lot of times in a relationship and partnership, do we listen to each other? If you are hurt, that should bother me, even if I'm right, but you're hurt. So let me listen to you. I need to respect you. I don't want you to be hurt. I want you to feel good. I don't want just my way, right? There's a certain respect and reverence to the other person. And of course, love and lightness and laughter.

Respect. ego is such a problem there because it just overrides everything that you're saying. People let their own narrative of, I'm right, get in the way of, yeah, but this isn't your partner. Why are you treating them like that? Who cares if you're right? What do you mean? Yeah, you're right. also, in relationships, both parties can be hurt at the same time.

Jojo (24:11.956)
in each individual person's movie, only they hurt me. But in reality, we're both hurt. We both hurt each other. But in my mind, I don't care. I don't even think that I've hurt you. It doesn't even... If you hurt me, that's all I see. I don't see that I misused my words with you or screamed or anything like that. All I care... And this is how the ego, the survival brain, it only cares. There's an attacker. That's it.

That's what I, that's what I, you know, I don't care how I treat you or how I talk to you or the fact that, you were hurt too. I don't care that you were hurt. Look what you did to me. So respect is feeling your pain, being respectful about, wow, I should care that you are hurt. Even though, hey, I'm also hurt and we'll talk about that. But right now you can have both conversations at the same time, right? When people say, yeah, I'm sorry, but you also did that to me. That's not a sorry. That's not a conversation.

Let's tackle one thing at a time. I hurt you, I shouldn't have done that. I'm sorry. End of discussion. Now, let's wait five minutes and then say, you know, also what you said to me, it really hurt me, but I really am sorry of what I did to you. Separate conversations. You can't do the two things at the same time. I don't think I've ever been in a situation in a relationship where there hasn't been that, but yeah, but you did this and I did that. And it's like...

you're so right, because if you separate it, then there's space for both things to be true. And no one, at least, maybe not no one, I don't want to always never this, but making that separation happen sounds like the catalyst to just making everything heard and everyone feel safe and beautiful. So did we finish the Kate stuff and how you guys ended up getting together? Yeah. So eventually we just, I started to see

who she really was. And I remember the moment where it just kind of clicked for me. I like you, you know, like I never allowed myself to like her in that way. Because it was like, I just immediately was like, this is my safe zone, friend zone. I never allowed it to happen. And once I saw that, there is compatibility here, I feel safe enough to like allow those feelings. Right? So eventually, yeah, there was there was both there was

Jojo (26:34.614)
love and also compatibility. it grows. we also, there's something so powerful, but not like a surge of power or surge of emotion. Not that, when you can look at someone and say, can build something amazing together, it's more lasting and more powerful than just

an instant gratification, a surge of emotion and pleasure and wow, we had the best night together. Yeah, that's so powerful. But how does that last into next month and next year? What are we- There's nothing to build on. There's nothing to build on. like people just, for lack of a better word, start playing house or jump into bed together. And it's like you're-

You're like jumping into a straw house. There's no structure. Like it's gonna crumble because you don't know each other. You're just the ideals of like what you guys feel. Do you see that being like a huge issue with people starting relationships or? Yeah, you know, we live in a society where, and culture, where there's very little boundaries sexually.

because there's a big freedom movement and my body and my choice and everything. And all that, by the way, all that is right. Spiritually speaking, you have to have the freedom to mess up, M-E-S, right? Mess up or show up. I have to have that freedom, right? So it's good that there's that freedom, but now we need to really look at it. Should I give away my power and my energy and my body and my kindness?

and my generosity to somebody who doesn't respect me or hasn't earned my respect. And by the way, this doesn't just happen in relationships and with sex, but it happens all the time with, you know, people have boundaries issues, right? Where they over give and then the other person hurts them, right? Because you're giving more than the other person has the ability to appreciate. That is one of the biggest sins.

Jojo (28:49.002)
If you give more than the other person has the ability to appreciate, you are nurturing someone and educating someone to eventually resent you and hate you. You're just creating haters. Okay? Because the more you give to someone that can't appreciate, the more they want more of it, the less you can give it. And then if you can't give it, they start hating you. You're not...

Yeah, you're not creating people that will love you. You're creating people that will eventually hate you. So the same thing with relationships. How much of myself am I giving to this person? How much of my time? How much of my body? How much of my money? How much of my energy? My attention? Let me first, again, it's not about testing them in this manipulative way, but let me just do a little resistance and say, you know what? Okay, we did dinner for two hours. Let's keep it at that.

Let's see how you can handle that. You know, for let's, let's build something you don't build by just receiving for yourself alone. You build by mutual sharing. What would you say to the people who are like, I'm just so attracted to them and my gosh. Cause that's what I hear. It's like, there was just like so much chemistry. What is chemistry? Wow. So I'm no scientist. Yeah, exactly. I'm no scientist, but you know,

That chemistry is, know, when people feel chemistry, not just, in order to understand anything, you need to understand how it applies everywhere else too. So when you feel chemistry with someone or you feel chemistry gambling, same chemistry, or you feel chemistry with, you know, this potential billionaire client that will change the company. There's, what is that? There's this anticipation of pleasure, this anticipation of fulfillment.

But oftentimes it could be really destructive like with gambling because what are you really anticipating? I'm anticipating pleasure with very little work. Money with, you if I just give 500 and it's a total gamble, I might get 500,000. It's like when people win the lottery. Exactly. With, and especially sexually, it's the same thing. It's this big surge of energy.

Jojo (31:09.282)
But without, hold on, I don't even know if you can treat me with basic respect and basic dignity. Can you listen to me? Can you properly apologize for things? I mean, this is not something crazy. This is just basic stuff. So a big pleasure with very little work. That's what the capitalist would call a short circuit, a big surge into the light bulb and then short circuit. just explodes and it can never create something lasting. Gambling is not a strategy. It's not a good business model. Right?

Chemistry is not a good strategy. It's not a good business model. It's a component. You want to be efficient. You want to have that pleasure. want to how much money can I make. But to build lasting, I need to show respect. I need to and exert some effort. And you know what? I'm going to buy you flowers. Not because it's easy on an app and just buy now. Because I took the time and thought, what would make you happy today?

I thought of you today, right? wow, and now I can see this person is really showing up in that way. This is how you create not just a lot of light and a lot of pleasure and a lot of fulfillment, but a vessel that can contain that light. A vessel is built by sharing and by effort. So, rapid fire question. Do you believe in soulmates? Wow, that is not a rapid fire question. Yes or no? Or maybe.

I do, I do. What is your definition of a soulmate? So there's two things. One is your real soul counterpart. It exists if a soul exists and if soul connections exist like with friendships. This is where we need to tweak our thinking. Instead of finding that one person and always thinking, this the one or... We don't know. No one knows. Soulmate, not soulmate. We can't see everything. So we can only...

go with what we know and what we feel. You need to find the person who's most compatible to your soul. So it's not just like you're either pregnant or not. It's not like you're either soulmate or not. There's a spectrum of soulmates. And that's what we were just like talking about. Of compatibility, exactly. So find within that spectrum of how compatible to my soul is this person, the most compatible person is what

Jojo (33:35.384)
we would call a soulmate. But to be certified as this is exactly my soul count, you could say probably, possibly I feel like it is in a very similar way to I know my purpose in this world is fill in the blank. You can know, you can feel, you can only like ask yourself the question and be guided and pray that the Creator sends you someone that is exactly what you need. it's more, of course it's much more exciting to say there's a soulmate.

and it's one person and you gotta find them and you're, you know. Well, I think people have this idea of the one and the one is like this perfect person that's gonna like complete their life and that everything's gonna be great with when in reality, what I've always believed a soulmate to be is a mirror to you. Someone who's gonna reflect back to you and gonna be the catalyst of your transformation. It's not gonna be easy. You guys are gonna go through probably the toughest things together from like losing parents to

diseases to I mean just life life is gonna life with this person and like is that the person that you're gonna be able to like rise above challenges with and I think maybe that's just my definition of it but I know a lot of people have this like kind of picturesque like fairy tale vision of like the one or they just are like no there's no such thing because like that can't be real because what we see in Disney doesn't exist so to get messy if someone is looking for

that person or looking to build a relationship. And we're not talking specifically in this episode about, you know, just exploring and having fun. We're actually talking about like building, like meeting someone and showing up authentically. So mentally, emotionally, spiritually, mess. Mentally, how should someone show up? I think you already answered that. Maybe like the authenticity. Show up to a relationship. Or show just, yeah, like how should someone in their mental state be when they're

looking to build a relationship with someone. Yeah. Clear. Clear. That's a great word. There's so much ambiguity. It's almost like, you know, it would be like the artist consulting the colors. What should I paint? you're the artist. Don't ask the colors what they're in the mood to draw today. You're the one drawing.

Jojo (35:56.366)
So you need to be clear about what you're looking for and what you want and what's compatible and going back to the soulmate thing, there is a soulmate. There is the one, right? The one and there's no two and there's no spectrum with this. The one is you. You are the one. always say that too. Like you're the one. You're looking for the one who can fit your puzzle piece the best that you can find.

and which requires a lot of spiritual work and also prayer and also merits, right? But when people are always looking for the one, it's like, no, you've got to look for your site, like find your individuality, find you. That's the one. Like you are the one. That's so great. Emotionally. How should he show up emotionally? Zen. No, Emotionally, it's excited to build, excited to share.

Excited to experience but if you're emotionally and I think those are balanced words the other not balanced words is lacking Emotionally broken emotionally. I need somebody to fill me. emotionally lonely Right. These are not how we should show up to dating guilty guilty charged and spiritually I mean this is all sort of that's how it's gonna evolve spiritually to like find your soulmate Yes, the S and this is soulmate

mental, emotional, Exactly. You know, it's a great, I like this messy framework. Spiritually, the way to show up to dating and relationships is prayer and consulting the creator and realizing who the heck, I don't know my soul. I don't have these like spiritual goggles that I can see someone's soul and be like, does this match, do those lottery numbers match my lottery number? Are we the exactly, I don't have that. I need to be humble.

and consult the creator, consult the universe and say, I only know what I know. There's way more that I don't know. And I need your help. I need help because it's not just finding the soulmate. It's respecting my soulmate, communicating with my soulmate, being still me while also kind of compromising on certain things to have this merger partnership.

Jojo (38:07.97)
All that requires so much spiritual assistance and support, whether it's, you know, deceased grandparents that you want to call upon, angels, righteous souls, the creator, like spiritually you need to have the support. So- you're speaking about this, like, obviously from a very, very high spiritual standpoint, but just to like bring it down a little bit from maybe people who don't necessarily pray every day or have that connection with angels or the creator.

even without words, just going into a date with an intention, not just any intention, but without words, close your eyes, kind of look up and say, if this is the one, amazing. Help me to be the best person that I can be for this person. If it's not the one, kindly push them aside and bring me the one. Right? I want what you want for me. Right. So there's a certain sense of humility that that brings. That's a very important...

part of this whole thing. Well, that was a very deep, very intense conversation. Thank you so much for joining me. And where can people find you? Yeah. So you can find me on cabal.com. So I'm a teacher at the Cabala Center. have many, many teachers. We are led by Michael Berg and Monica Berg. Monica Berg actually wrote a whole book about relationships called Rethink Love, which I would suggest. so good. I'll tag it in the show notes.

And it's written as like, there's a workbook with it too, because that's exactly what relationships are. It's a workbook. It's not just a novel where it's like a steamy, know, what a great story and like, what's gonna happen. It's not related. Relationships is more of a workbook than a novel. And what it's like, the first part is like becoming the one. Yeah. There's like three sections that it's broken up in. Right, yeah, exactly.

So find me on kabbalah.com, at Yosef Yesh on Instagram. Yeah. And I live in New York. So if you want to come by the Kabbalah Center, I'll be here. Amazing. And all of this information I'm going to put in the show notes. So if you want to find Yosef there, check out that. I'll also tag the book and the Kabbalah Center, as he mentioned, and you know where to find me at underscore inside out dot podcast. Make sure you share with a friend, like subscribe.

Jojo (40:24.012)
Do all the things and thanks for listening. Have a great week. Bye.