Soulmates & Self-Love: Why You Have to Be 'The One' First

Do soulmates really exist, or is "The One" actually you? In this episode of Inside OUT, we break down the different types of soulmates—romantic, karmic, twin flames, and more—while challenging the traditional idea of a perfect match. Discover why self-love, emotional wholeness, and authenticity are key to attracting the right connections. Are soulmates destiny or a choice? Can you have more than one? Tune in for a deep dive into the soulmate debate and why becoming "The One" for yourself is the first step to finding real love.

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Transcript

Jojo (00:06.958)
Welcome to the Inside Out Podcast. I'm your host JoJo and this is where we will navigate the mess together. That is mental, emotional and spiritual. Let's get messy!

Jojo (00:28.046)
Happy Wednesday. So this week we're going to talk about soulmates. Yep. You guessed it. There's so much that's talked about when it comes to soulmates and the one, and do people even believe in soulmates? Like, do we believe that there's like one perfect person out there in the world? So I actually was really curious. So I did a poll and I asked literally on my Instagram, said, do you believe in soulmates? And

44 % of people said 1 million percent. Another 44 % said not just one. 8 % said 0 % chance that there's a soulmate out there. And 2 % of you guys said maybe, but it depends on the definition of soulmate. So I wanted to discuss the differences between certain

ideas of what a soulmate is because there's different variations. There's the romantic soulmate, there's the karmic soulmates, there's something called twin flames or you your mirror soul. Then there's like your soul family or soul tribe. Then there's platonic soulmates, companion soulmates, teacher soulmates, which are typically like soul contracts, past life soulmates, and then soulmate animals. And I have a lot of friends that are like, yeah, my dog's my soulmate, which

I think that is very valid. So there are so many different definitions of this concept of soulmate, but when it comes to romantic relationships and dating specifically, this is where I find it to be a very interesting question. So I'm really excited because next week I'm bringing on a guest who I'm going to unpack all of this with, and I'm really excited for you guys to hear that.

This is a little precursor to kind of get us, you know, thinking about maybe if we have a soulmate or what that looks like for us in our lives. And maybe you're thinking, Hmm, maybe that was a karmic relationship or that was a soulmate relationship, or this person is my soulmate or this person is definitely not my soulmate. So I want to kind of dive into a few definitions. I was looking all of this up and

Jojo (02:56.216)
There's this classic idea of what a soulmate is, which is this deep love, this strong connection, this sense of destiny. And usually, a romantic soulmate is someone who helps us grow, whether that's emotionally or spiritually. Maybe they feel like, potentially like an at-home sort of connection.

Then there's these karmic soulmates and these relationships are these massive, massive life lessons. Now I definitely have had my fair share of karmics in my life and one in particular, but these are typically some pretty tough lessons that we learn through challenges or pain and they're often intense. They're probably pretty temporary, very tumultuous, but

Those karmic soulmates typically help us break cycles and evolve. Then there's this term called twin flame or the mirror soul, which is believed to be two halves of the same soul split into two bodies. Now that to me, I've always wondered if I have a twin and maybe

Some people out there are like, I definitely have a twin flame. I've definitely experienced mirror relationships that show me parts of myself that I need to change. So possibly, but how would you know? Then you could argue on the other side of that and be like, well, how would you know if you're with your soulmate? Well, we get into that next week, which I think is a very interesting conversation. So make sure you tune in, but back to twin flames.

These are often really intense and transformative relationships that challenge us to heal and grow. And what I've heard of from twin flame connections is there's typically a separation and reunion phase. And during the separation, each twin or each soul or person is going through a massive change in their lives, whether that's a big growth,

Jojo (05:18.718)
spurt in their career or their emotional life or whatever, but there's a huge evolution and transformation that's happening. Now I always use this term, the soul tribe, but this is like your soul family. And these are probably the people who deeply resonate with your energy, your values. They might be your friends, your mentors. They could be even your family, your blood related family. And typically these people are the unconditional support

court systems in your life or the very understanding people. And those are also the people that like feel like home when you meet them. Then you have your platonic soulmates, which are obviously these non-romantic bonds. And it feels like an unbreakable relationship. And it also feels very destined. And these friendships are typically the lifetime friendships. And they're just as meaningful as romantic relationships.

Now I'm not too sure I've heard of this one before, but companion soulmates, which is a long-term partner, best friend or close allies with whom we have a strong and supportive connection with. These relationships are typically harmonious and full of mutual respect, even if it's not always deeply spiritual. So to me, that just sounds like a normal friend, but I could be wrong. I just, I don't know if that one really hit home for me.

This one definitely did though, the teacher soulmate or the soul contract soulmate. And these are the people that come into our lives that teach us something significant. And it's usually typically through a very tough, either a hardship or a lesson or tumultuous relationship. It kind of sounds like the karmic to me, but I can separate at least in my life, those two.

types of people, but the teacher soulmate for me really taught me that I needed to change some stuff. And it really made me look inward and challenged me to take accountability for my personal growth. And it was a very fleeting relationship, but it had a massive lasting impact on who I am today. So then there's the past life soulmate. Now this

Jojo (07:39.674)
If you don't believe in past lives reincarnation, then maybe skip over this, but I definitely believe in this. So these are the connections that we've had in past lifetimes that are often recognized by an instant or deep familiarity where you're like, I know you and I've known you before. Like we extend lifetimes and these relationships can be romantic. They can be familial. They can be.

really challenging ones, can be, well, it really just depends on the past life dynamic. And I definitely want to get into past lives and reincarnation and have someone on to talk to us about all of this, because I think it is fascinating to understand the evolution and the growth of our soul and our soul's purpose. So we are definitely gonna tap into

all of that on Inside Out, so stay tuned. But that is the past life soulmate. Then there's the soulmate animals, which many people believe that animals can be soulmates, offering deep companionship, healing, unconditional love, all of that beautiful, beautiful stuff. those are the breakdowns of the different kinds of soulmates. Now I've definitely had conversations with people where they say,

You know what? No, there's not just one soulmate or one romantic partner. I could be a good match with any partner. And I think while that is true, typically we pick one person that we want to take the journey of life with. Now the soulmate relationship and choosing that person to be with, I do get into all of the specificities.

of that and there is a beautiful conversation that comes of that. So make sure to tune in next week, like I said, but I specifically was in a relationship with someone once and I said, do you believe that there's the one? And he was like, no. And I was like, wow, okay, romantic. Thanks so much. guess, I don't know why I'm here. If you don't believe like I'm special and like, this is something real. mean, obviously we're not together, so jokes on me, but I thought that was

Jojo (10:02.144)
a very interesting take. Now there's so many different, again, renditions or variations of the one. And I have a very specific thought about what that is. People think that the one as a romantic soulmate is like this traditional idea of like a perfect match, your life partner, the one that's meant for you. And it's like a fated love and that you'll eventually find each other no matter what. I love that. I'm all for that narrative.

Then there's also the one as like a choice. Instead of this like predetermined soulmate, we have multiple potential soulmates. And the idea of the one that we choose is the person that we choose to commit to and grow with and build a life alongside, which I am definitely of that camp as well. I think, I think it's two parts. think it's, there is someone that we are destined to grow.

with and I think it's a choice because love, I hate to say this, but love isn't enough. You can't just love someone to be like, it's going to work. No, no, no, no, no. There's so many more elements that go into love and a relationship. And again, I keep saying this, but we talk about all of this next week and it's a very important conversation. So please tune in. Then there's the one, and this is

really what my true stance is on what the one is. But the one is yourself. It's you. I don't believe that the one is external. I believe that it's your own soul. And I truly believe that when you become whole within yourself, that's when the right soul or soulmate

is able to naturally align with you. And that's pretty much what I've always talked about on Inside Out, where you have to have your individuality. You have to have your own life and you can't be jumping ship and trying to go outside of yourself to make something work because that naturally pulls you off of your trajectory or where you're meant to be going. And then you're not on your purpose at all.

Jojo (12:27.65)
So my belief with this, to tie this all together and to get messy is mentally you have to know who you are. Be on your path. Be very clear on what you want, what you don't want. Be really authentic with yourself, with other people, with your internal life and your external life. They have to match. They have to marry each other. Emotionally, emotionally you still have to know what you want. You have to be

true to yourself and available. You have to be emotionally available and emotionally whole, that you're not lacking, that you're not seeking out of fear or needing validation or all of these things that we do when we are lonely or bored, that we try to fill that void. And once...

we are whole in ourselves, then spiritually, that's when a soulmate can align with us. That's when that person can naturally fit into our life and we can fit into theirs without too much of this forcing, of this back and forth or push-pull dynamic or whatever it is that you've gone through in other relationships. But hopefully with the right person, it's going to be

It's going to have a lot more balance. There's going to be give and take, but the challenges are going to be challenging, of course, but they're going to be easier to figure out because mentally and emotionally you are being authentically yourself so that you're able to have two people come together and really build something rather than trying to fill each other's

voids. So think about this. Ask yourself what you truly believe around the whole soulmate conversation. Do you believe that there's one person for you? Do you believe you are the one? Do you believe that maybe you found that person? you, what, what do you believe? And please let me know in the comments, make sure you subscribe wherever you listen to your podcasts.

Jojo (14:54.412)
rate five stars, leave a review and you can find me at underscore inside out dot podcast. Make sure to share this episode with a friend and don't forget to tune in next week for a deeper dive into what a soulmate relationship really is, how to build it, how to cultivate it and how to really

Show up as the one for yourself so that you can align with that person. Alright, have a great week guys. Bye!